~Change~
Life is full of it. Every day, every minute things change. Why do we resist it so much? Why did I fight it so much?
The end of this week will bring the end of a very long chapter in my life. A chapter of growth, friendship, stress, belonging, frustration and love.
I was laid off... After 17 years, 11 months and 12 days, I will no longer be a part a company. No company cell phone ringing, no emails, no business cards, no business trips, no office. It's so strange... As I look at all the little things in my office that have become a part of who I am as a business woman... An electric stapler, a manual stapler, a tape dispenser, 7 Employee Handbooks (because evidently1 is not sufficient) even a ROLODEX full of business cards and contacts that I probably haven't opened in 8 years, and my trusty Cannon CP1013D II - 10 key (I will always love you)... These things have traveled with me through 1 office move and 3 company acquisitions, and at the end of this week, I will turn off my office light for the last time and these "things" will no longer be a part of me, just like that. Change.
Emotionally I have been a rollercoaster, and yet no tears. I have not mourned the loss of "this Family" at all. Due mostly to so many of the "members" having been let go already. And as I sorted through all my feelings, yes I'm sad, but relief was the most prominent emotion I had mustered. For months I have walked on egg shells and held my breath not knowing, and when I got the call it was like taking that first breath after you have been underwater. I will miss the belonging and the sense of accomplishment I felt while working here, but I know now that the big bad corporate world is not the place for me. When employee's have numbers instead of names, and the basic human desire to nurture, celebrate and give are not allowed or encouraged, it began to crush my soul. You begin to lose faith in peoples basic decency. " It's not personal, it's business"... And as Kathleen Kelley so eloquently said... "What does that mean? All that means is that it wasn't personal to you, but it was personal to me. It's was personal to a lot of people".
I am going to miss "my" people. I've grown up with many of them, and the hardest part to accept is that I know that when I leave this place, this building, I will NEVER see most of them ever again. And not by choice but by the ever present change. And that is what is sad. I love these people so much and feel very much a part of their lives. They were fixtures in my everyday world, yet I know that our paths may never cross again. That is sad...
Moving forward....
This drastic change in my life, does open up doors and windows... The only problem is in my world it's like the time I went into Restoration Hardware in Colorado, and walked out the back of the store and into a mall... There isn't just one door there are hundreds. My mind has developed a form of ADHD. There are so many possibilities and picking one just isn't fair or easy.
But for now dear friends, I am going to enjoy the long desired, but never imagined job of being a stay at home Mom, to my beautiful and amazing little boy. I couldn't have asked for a better job than that. And to my sweetheart, my ROCK, my knight, my one constant... Steve, I love you, and thank you for making this transition bearable. Your constant encouragement and support of WHATEVER I decided to do no matter what that was, has been what has gotten me through this.
Forever I am grateful.
Turning the page...
As I put the proverbial "pen to paper" in the next chapter of my life, I look forward and welcome all of the changes, or adventures as I will call them going forward.
Adieu dear friends,
