~Change~

 

~Change~

Life is full of it.  Every day, every minute things change.  Why do we resist it so much?  Why did I fight it so much?

The end of this week will bring the end of a very long chapter in my life. A chapter of growth, friendship, stress, belonging, frustration and love. 

I was laid off... After 17 years, 11 months and 12 days, I will no longer be a part a company.  No company cell phone ringing, no emails, no business cards, no business trips, no office.  It's so strange...  As I look at all the little things in my office that have become a part of who I am as a business woman... An electric stapler, a manual stapler, a tape dispenser, 7 Employee Handbooks (because evidently1 is not sufficient) even a ROLODEX full of business cards and contacts that I probably haven't opened in 8 years, and my trusty Cannon CP1013D II - 10 key (I will always love you)... These things have traveled with me through 1 office move and 3 company acquisitions, and at the end of this week, I will turn off my office light for the last time and these "things" will no longer be a part of me, just like that.  Change.

Emotionally I have been a rollercoaster, and yet no tears.  I have not mourned the loss of  "this Family" at all.  Due mostly to so many of the "members" having been let go already.  And as I sorted through all my feelings, yes I'm  sad, but relief was the most prominent emotion I had mustered.  For months I have walked on egg shells and held my breath not knowing, and when I got the call it was like taking that first breath after you have been underwater.  I will miss the belonging and the sense of accomplishment I felt while working here, but I know now that the big bad corporate world is not the place for me.  When employee's have numbers instead of names, and the basic human desire to nurture, celebrate and give are not allowed or encouraged, it began to crush my soul.  You begin to lose faith in peoples basic decency.  " It's not personal, it's business"...  And as Kathleen Kelley so eloquently said... "What does that mean? All that means is that it wasn't personal to you, but it was personal to me.  It's was personal to a lot of people". 

I am going to miss "my" people.  I've grown up with many of them, and the hardest part to accept is that I know that when I leave this place, this building, I will NEVER see most of them ever again. And not by choice but by the ever present change. And that is what is sad.  I love these people so much and feel very much a part of their lives.  They were fixtures in my everyday world, yet I know that our paths may never cross again. That is sad...

 

Moving forward....

 

This drastic change in my life, does open up doors and windows... The only problem is in my world it's like the time I went into Restoration Hardware in Colorado, and walked out the back of the store and into a mall... There isn't just one door there are hundreds. My mind has developed a form of ADHD.  There are so many possibilities and picking one just isn't fair or easy.

But for now dear friends, I am going to enjoy the long desired, but never imagined job of being a stay at home Mom, to my beautiful and amazing little boy. I couldn't have asked for a better job than that. And to my sweetheart, my ROCK, my knight, my one constant... Steve,  I love you, and thank you for making this transition bearable.  Your constant encouragement and support of WHATEVER I decided to do no matter what that was, has been what has gotten me through this.

Forever I am grateful.

 

Turning the page...

 

As I put the proverbial "pen to paper" in the next chapter of my life, I look forward and welcome all of the changes, or adventures as I will call them going forward.

 

Adieu dear friends,

 

 

The big mouth....

 

 

BURGER!

 

This is what Steve requested for dinner the other night.

 

I just had to post this.  It was a big burger!

 

What my baby wants, my baby gets.

 

 

Love you sweetie :)

 

 

Family ReUnIoN

 

~2013~

 

Beautiful Montana

 

Labor Day weekend we enjoyed meeting new people, reuniting with family, and making life long friends.

 

Steve had not seen a lot of his cousins, aunts and uncles for quite some time, and it made my heart smile to see how happy he was to be there laughing, playing and rehashing old times.  I found myself observing Steve a lot during this trip.  I love to see him smile, and I'm telling ya... boyfriend has the BEST, I mean the BEAST belly laugh I have ever heard.  You can't help but smile when you hear it.  He connected again, and that was something I was so happy to be apart of.

Hunter met cousins for the first time and had a blast with all of the kids.  I know this because he was FILTHY!  I don't think there was a bit of him not covered in something. I barley saw him most of the trip.  But I guess there is not much time to spend with Mom and Dad when there is tubing down the river, snake hunting, bike riding and 4 wheeling to be done.

 

Steve's family was so welcoming...  We laughed, reminisced and began new friendships and I adore every one of them.  They are such kind, loving people.   

 

Although I loved every minute spent with all of them, my favorite part of the trip would have to be mine and Steve's nightly walk... Holding hands, there is nothing better to have the one you love grab your hand and take you on a walk, laughing about what someone did or said and talking about how happy we are. Oh and yes he did steal a kiss or two :)

 

I can't wait 'til next year!!!!

 

 

 

Hunter & Ammon

 

 Kid's... BIG and small

 

Our little cabin

 

 Steve and Jerry playing with the kids!

 

Prepping for the big family dinner

 

Nate was such a trooper, making sure that bench didn't fall down or anything ;)

 

The Campinglot

 

Incredible views

 

 

and my super boy!

Birthday GiRl

 

~My Birthday~

 

This year was such special birthday.  I got to speak to all of my family near and far, and that night I was able to celebrate with my two favorite boys.

My sweet "not husband" Steve took us out to dinner (the power went out incidentally, and our order was the last to get finished before the grills went down.  We still had to wait forever for our check though.  Good times) and then Steve took Hunter shopping for me.  Now before anyone thinks he was a last minute gift getter :) Steve travels all week and hadn't been home to take Hunter.  They picked out a card and some beautiful roses for me.

And just when I thought all the surprises were over, Steve had one special gift for me just from him.  I was surprised and filled with gratitude and love. 

 

Thanks babe for making my day so very special.

 

I love you Steven D, with all of my heart!

 

A few days later, on Sunday, my dear sweet "Not mother in Law" made me a delicious birthday dinner and the cutest cake complete with all the girlie things that represent Kristen on them...  shoes, jewelry, and hand bags.  My sweet Brenda and my boyfriend Caden, came to celebrate too. I love these people.  I am not kidding when I say that Marilyn and Brenda are some of the kindest ladies you will ever meet. I love them dearly.  And it's a good thing Caden came, he made sure that they sang "Happy Birthday", and that we ate cake! 

 

Thanks so much family!

I love you all...

 

First birthday with the birthday banner!

 

 

The roses from my boy's

 

they roses from Steve and from his cute Mom

 

There he is.  I just love him so very much!

He's cute!

3rd Grade

 

1st Day of 3rd Grade

 

I can not believe how excited Hunter was for school this year.  I think he started counting down about 2 weeks before he started.  I loved listening to him ask questions and wonder about everything there is to wonder about.  He wanted so badly to be in a portable and I about fell over when he in fact was in a portable.  He was so excited.  The only down side, they don't have lockers in the portables.  Other than that, He was trilled with everything from his class room to the teacher.  Another year of learning and we are ready!

 

1st day of school breakfast choice:  Waffles and Watermelon

Out the door, and ready to go... so handsome, and so grown up!

Shhhh....  Don't tell Hunter but, I broke the first very specific rule.  DO NOT TAKE PICTURES AT SCHOOL!!!  AT ALL MOM! I had to be sneaky so it's blurry, but there's my boy right in the front row.

I was a mean Mom, I made Hunter were some other shoes on the first day because, Hey, they looked better with the outfit.  Here is the next big change in my boy...  He actually had an opinion about his shoes.  These are the COOLEST shoes ever! So Hunter says. (They look a little gangsta, but oh well)
They make him run faster and jump higher, (of course) and he loves them.

Isn't he cool?

Getting ready for 3rd grade

We got GEAR!

 

It's that time again and it's a little more bitter sweet this year than any other year in the past.  My little boy is growing in every way imaginable.  His physical changes, his enormous vocabulary and the struggle between being a little boy and becoming a young man...  It breaks my heart to watch this change and not be accepting of the inevitable. 

 

Any who, every school year I get a list of Do's and Don'ts.  This year I don't think there were any do's.  (Here we go with the heartbreak).

 

Hunter:  Mom, I don't want a Pottery Barn backpack this year.

Me:  Why not?  Didn't you like your Batman and Darth Vader backpacks?

Hunter:  Yes, but I don't want any characters on my backpack, and I don't want my name on it either. 

Me: Really?  Okay.  So what kind of backpack do you want?

Hunter: Plain...

Hunter: and Black

Mom:  okay, we'll go and you can pick one out.

Hunter: Thanks Mom...

 

 

Well after shopping with Hunter and him trying to pick out backpacks that college kids use, I went out on a limb and grabbed one that I thought would be perfect.  I had filled it with all of the school gear he needed including a "PLAIN" black and white lunch box,, and let him rip into it a few days before the first day of school. 

 

 

Look how long my baby's legs are...

 

There is the "Plain" lunch box

 

 

The little light; Hunter did pick out one Lego folder and an Avengers pencil bag.

 

I guess I did okay... Look at that sweet smile :)  I love my boy.

Don't you have anything sweet?

"Don't you have anything sweet in the house"?

 

So I was asked this a few times last week by Steve when he was looking for some goodies.  Cookies are what he was after.  And with our little munchkin around you have to be quick to grab a treat or they will be gone.  Hunter loves cookies and for that reason I don't have them in the house very often.

 

I love baking and cooking!  And after being gone from my boys for a whole week, and them eating like bachelor's all week, I got down to business on Sunday.

 

I made these Amaz-za-zing Brown Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies.  I had both boys come and sample a cookie warm and gooey right out of the oven.  My little's reaction was just as I thought it would be. "Mom these are the best cookies ever".  And my Steve... Well he ate his while going through his mail so I got "Good"! and that's it.  I didn't think he had cared for them so I went about my business preparing a fab summer Sunday dinner.  Grilled Chicken Drum Sticks, Potato Salad, Homemade Rolls, Corn on the Cob, and Watermelon (which we didn't get to, because we were stuffed) for dessert.

Now usually Drum Sticks are devoured at my house and I noticed that the little only at one and a half, and the strapping man of the family, 3.  3 That's it?  I asked what was wrong, and if it didn't taste good, but he assured me it did, and he was just so full.  I call B.S. on that, he can nearly clear the whole lot!  So as women do, I kept pressing him and finally...  "I ate like 5 or 6 of those cookies right before dinner, they were so good". 

 

Success!

 

I love coming home to my boys!

 

 

Hunter is such a good helper.  He picked out the corn at the market and then helped me shuck it for dinner that night!